Apocalypse Now What?!

There comes a point in any apocalypse when you have to ask yourself “How do I get my chainsaw out of this S&M fetishist’s skull cavity?”

Also, “How long after society crumbles do these people decide to start wearing gimp masks? A month? Three? It really seems like they were just waiting for an excuse…”

Unfortunately, what we’re currently living through isn’t the apocalypse. It’s just a nasty virus. So the question we must ask ourselves changes from “Am I going to die?” (almost certainly a no), to “What’s going to happen next?”

In the spirit of that, I’m kicking around some ideas about the potential butterfly effects from this pandemic. As always, I’m not an expert, so these will almost certainly be wrong. But in my imagination, we might well see…

Bad News For Sewer Workers.

One of the first things to happen as this pandemic hit is that the stupid and selfish started to hoard toilet paper. Whether this was due to people being afraid of getting diarrhoea, which is not one of the symptoms, or due to people preparing to spend two weeks at home is unknown. Although if you need five cases of toilet paper to survive a fortnight in the house, I’d be more worried about your intestinal problems than any respiratory virus that’s going around. People hoarding toilet paper in a crisis are apparently shitty assholes in more ways than one. Also, bidet owners will be sitting pretty.